Anger Management

What is anger?

Anger is an emotion everyone experiences at some point. Whilst it is normal to feel these kind of emotions, sometimes our anger can come about for no apparent reason and we do not know why we feel like this.

It's important to be able to deal with anger so you don't lose your temper and hurt yourself or others around you. Look at some of the things you can do to highlight your triggers and create coping mechanisms for when you feel angry.

Identifying your anger level

Identifying Your Anger

By firstly identifying what anger means to you and how it feels, you can begin to acknowledge and establish your anger level. You can also colour in the body map to highlight where you feel anger the most. This will differ from person to person and there is no right or wrong answer.

Anger Management Strategies

Once you have identified what anger means to you then you can begin to highlight how you already manage your anger by identifying what you safely do to release your anger and also the unsafe ways you release your anger. Again, there is no right or wrong answer for this.

Anger Scale

The anger scale

The anger scale is a good indicator of how angry you are at whatever is triggering you to feel this way.

By putting a 'score' to your anger, you can let others know how you are feeling so that they can support you when feeling this heightened emotion.

It is also a simple scaling tool that you can use to monitor your anger.

You may find that you experience even greater levels on the scale - everyone is different so you may find it useful to create your own anger scale to help monitor your emotions.

What triggers your anger?

Below you will find some of the factors that may start off your anger and get you experiencing an angry episode. These are not the only factors that may affect you, you may have your own factors. Part of the process with managing your anger is identifying what makes you angry and then applying coping strategies to deal with the anger if you cannot avoid it.

Understanding your anger

Below you will find some of the common feelings people experience when they are starting to become angry. You may find that you only experince one of these feelings or that you experience all of these feelings. By acknowledging these feelings when you experience them, you can begin your strategies to avoid becoming overly angry and begin to calm yourself down.

Other things you might feel include:

  • You start to scream, raise your voice or begin to yell to get your anger across.

  • You start to become argumentative with those who are trying to help and support you.

  • You begin to insult the other person.

  • You start staring or scowling at people and make an angry face towards others.

  • You might start crying.

  • You become aggressive towards others.




You may have been dealing with at least some of these difficulties for a while already. Think about what you've done so far to cope, and how effective these strategies have been.


You may also experience unhelpful thoughts. By recognising and challenging unhelpful or unrealistic thoughts you can learn to see things in a more realistic light which can help to improve your mood and help you to manage your angry feelings. Click the button below to see what unhelpful thoughts you might be feeling.

How to manage your anger

Go to a calm place

If you were to design a whole island for yourself, a place that had the specific purpose of helping you to feel as calm as possible, what would you put on it? What would it be like? Where would you sleep, what music would be playing, what would you eat, where would you unwind?

Whatever it is that would help to get you into a calm state of mind, write about it or design it on a piece of paper. Revisit this place whenever you feel stressed, angry or upset, embellishing the details and adding new, calming features over time. By imagining this place during times when you experience heightened senses, it will help bring you back down to a normal calm.

Relaxation skills

Relaxation can involve doing something that you enjoy, or just being by yourself. Good examples might be reading a book or having a bath. Exercise is also particularly effective at helping us to relax. What you do does not really matter. Try to choose something that you will look forward to and that gives you a break. Doing an activity that you enjoy will also give you less time to spend worrying. A few examples of relaxing activities can be found below:

  • Exercising

  • Doing something creative

  • Visiting a friend or family member

  • Having a bath

  • Reading a book

Positive relationships

Good relationships and support from family and friends can really help us cope better. It can also mean that we overcome problems more quickly and for longer. It can be really helpful to talk through difficulties with friends and family. You could discuss ways of coping, and for some of your friends or family, they might have been through something similar and have other ways to cope.

Healthy Eating

What you eat and drink can have a signifcant impact on both your mood, sleep and physical health. Consider making changes towards having a balanced, nutritious diet. Try to eat regular meals and stay hydrated. Avoid unhealthy food that contain a lot of fat or sugar. Also, consider what you eat and drink close to bedtime. A large meal before bed can interfere with your sleep.

Routines

Having a consistent routine can help give structure to your life. Patterns can be set as we react the same way or do the same thing in certain situations. Our body can begin to expect and follow such routines. For example, taking time to relax and unwind before bed, and getting up at the same time.

You may find that creating a routine timetable is a positive step in ensuring you have a consistent routine.

Surroundings

Notice the impact of your environment on your mood. Consider the noise, temperature and light that you have to deal with. Your comfort and the tidiness of your surroundings can all have an impact on your mood. It can also affect your sleep and your overall ability to cope with problems. Try to take practical steps to resolve any particular issues.

Expressing yourself

Think about what you mean to say before saying it. Also, consider what others might take from your comments. Before speaking it is a good idea to count to three before speaking.

Try to be as clear as possible.

Don't immediately get defensive or fight back. Try to understand more about what the other person feels and why they have said what they said.

Express your own emotions in an appropriate and considered way. Avoid using an angry or confrontational style.

Wind-down stretches

Stretching can help to relax your muscles and body, expel some of the tension of the day and prepare you for a good night of sleep. It is also a great way to relieve some of the pent-up tension that anger can cause.

Standing with a straight back, legs shoulder-width apart, let your arms hang loosely. Shrug both shoulders forward and up, then slowly roll them back and down. Repeat this several times. This helps to loosen the shoulders, neck and back.

Relieving anger during an outburst

It is not always possible to prevent an angry outburst. When they occur though it is important to release this anger safely. Below you will find some good ways to release your anger without hurting yourself or others.

  • Smashing ice cubes is a good way to release your anger

  • Punching a soft object such as a cushion or your bed

  • Screaming into a pillow

  • Going for a fast run

  • Writing down how you feel and then scrunching that paper up and throwing it in the bin

The impact of your anger on others


The things that you say or do when you're angry have an impact on people around you. Using the image to the left of you, write down how you think your anger affects yourself and the people close to you.


It might be that your anger upsets them, hurts them or causes fractures in relationships. Have a think about what impact your anger has and note this down.